My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
