babies were throwing up all over the place
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
