Betty ford says i'm here all night
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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