Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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