I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
