so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Say something about gay babies.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize