dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
