I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
