Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
