I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
