Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
