I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
