Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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