so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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