part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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