I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
