We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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