its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
