the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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