Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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