do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize