Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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