if only i could text you this smell
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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