What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
