how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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