i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
