My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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