just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
