Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
