I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
