tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
