Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
