In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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