So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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