My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
