I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
