I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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