butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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