I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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