Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
