You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We left the knife in your bed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
