I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
