Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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