About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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