you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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