Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't deserve a penis
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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