Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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