a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
