That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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