After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
