Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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