hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
