Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
