I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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