this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
