so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
