one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
