i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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