You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
