Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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