i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
