Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
