Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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