Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize