the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
