How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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