The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
