UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
