I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
