just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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