every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't put those talents on a resume
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Two words: blizzard sex
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
