who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
