You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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