and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
