I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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