Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
