Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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