god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
