I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
