Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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